Sitting on the Porch

Archive for October, 2010

My favorite terrestrial radio station is WEVL 89.9FM in Memphis.  Completely volunteer and all of the programmers are passionate and knowledgeable about their music. This station relies solely on listener donations.

Get the program guide, though, or hit the website www.wevl.org. You don’t want to miss what you love the most.  These people are very good at what they do.  You’ll hear music you’ve never heard before, or haven’t heard in ages.

This is the answer to commercial radio. So donate NOW!

Fabulous quote from the late great Dr. Adrian Rogers in 1984:

“Friend, you cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. And what one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government can’t give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody. And when half of the people get the idea they don’t have to work because the other half’s going to take care of them, and when the other half get the idea it does no good to work because somebody’s going to get what I work for. That, dear friend, is about the end of any nation.”

The audio of this quote, and the full text of his message is here at Love Worth Finding Ministries.

Christian music is the only genre of music that is defined solely by the content of its lyrics. Go to any record store and look at the sections. Jazz, Classical, Country, Blues, Hip-Hop, Christian. There are jazz, country, top 40, classical and Christian radio stations.  Secular stations are secular, and Christian stations are well, Christian.

Although we Christians are commanded to be “in the world but not of the world,” Christians have done a fairly good job of not being in the world, at least in public (see Baptist drinking joke #19).  Or maybe the world has done a better job of segregating Christians.

The PC police have convinced us that there is a constitutional separation of church and state, and we’re afraid of being sued.  But we appear to be cool with that. Here in the U.S. of A. we Christians generally act nice between 10:30 and noon on Sunday morning.  The rest of the week we’re technically off duty.

I always wanted to find a radio station that played a good mix of secular and Christian songs.  The secular songs would be the non-sex, non-cop-killing, non-droopy-shorts kind, and the Christian songs would be the non-thirty-minute-praise-chorus, non-“glowry”-hallelujah, non-big-hair and non-wide-vibrato kind.

Unpaid Endorsement #1: There’s a great station in Memphis now called The Pig (87.7FM, if you’re in town, www.radiopig.com elsewhere) that comes as close as I’ve ever heard.  It’s running as if some wacko with a music collection as bizarrely diverse as mine put the whole thing on shuffle.  You can get Van Morrison back-to-back with The Happy Goodman Family.  It’s like musical roulette. Today I heard the old Schoolhouse Rock’s “I’m Just a Bill.”  Sweet!  Try it out, but be ready for musical whiplash.

I used to have a media rep call me on a regular schedule to pitch ad space for the several different publications he worked for. I would say, “Hey – how you doin’?” And without fail, and I mean without fail EVERY time, he would say, “Blessed and highly favored of God, my friend… how are you?”… … Chirp… Chirp… Well, isn’t that sweet. And sincere.  This is the religious version of something like, Q: “How are you?”  A: “If I was any better I couldn’t stand it.” Ick.

Another one I like is “Have a blessed day.” That’s secret code used by checkers at the supermarket that really means, “I’m a Christian and I want you to know it, but the store manager would fire me if I said “God bless you.” And they know if you’re a Christian too by the response you give them. If you say “You too,” or “Thanks,” that’s the non-religious-sounding return code word, you both know you’ve just done the secret handshake, and it’s a warmy.

On the other hand, if you look at them like Jack Nicholson at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, it’s a real good bet that you’re going to get prayed at on your way out of the store.

Questions: Why are there people in the religious world who can be so remarkably offensive; and why is there a secular world in which you have to speak about your faith using code words for fear of offending someone?

MARION, AR – In an unexpected announcement at breakfast today, The Kroger Company revealed that it had quietly annexed the Canadian provinces of New Brunswick and most of Nova Scotia to the United States of America.

The move creates two new states  just northeast of Maine, and adds roughly 50,000 square miles to the U.S. land mass.

The announcement was made on the back of a box of “Toasted Oats” Whole Grain Oat Cereal.  Critics of the move have expressed concern that Prince Edward Island was overlooked in the bold land grab.

The National Association of People Searching Diligently for Things to Offend Them (NAPSDTOT) has issued a scathing rebuke and cries of “Nationalism”, and has retained the American Civil Liberties Union to assist in possible legal action on the behalf of the residents of Prince Edward Island.

The National Association of Vast Right Wing Conspirators, Homophobes, Hate Mongers, Birthers and Xenophobes (NAVRWCHHMBX) said simply that they were all a bunch of sissies.

Graphic designer W. T. “Who, Me?” F., a recent graduate of the South Bend, Indiana pubic school system was jubilant.  “I’m so happy to be a part of  this exciting moment.

David B. Dillon, CEO of The Kroger Company was unavailable for comment. We were, however, able to secure a copy of this unrelated photo which is unrelated to any relation whatsoever between the Kroger Company, the United States Government, or the South Bend School System.